No Regrets?

So I started this blog spot a few months ago. I originally created it so that I could post random updates about my jewelry business and have a place to get my thoughts out. I've always enjoyed writing but never really had an outlet for my energy, so what better place than a blog? I've wanted to get something posted for quite some time now. I have sat down here a half a dozen times but never decided to publish what I had gotten out.

I spend most of my days chasing, cleaning, feeding, and correcting my children. I have three. Three amazingly wonderful kids. They are FULL of energy, in fact, they are overflowing with energy. I know it sounds cliche but I wish I had a third of their energy. I really do! I seem to not have much of that anymore. It's like the more kids I had, the more my energy was sucked out and multiplied in their little bodies. Lately, I have been in a funk. I feel like I don't have anything that is mine, just for me. No hobby, no creative outlet, no passion, no "me" time. I admire my friends who can look at something and turn it into something their own. Those who can pick up a paintbrush, an old piece of furniture, or even an empty room, and just create something beautiful. I've never had the ability to see the potential that different things can have. I am pretty plain when it comes to decorating or having really great creative bursts of genius. So for those of you who are my friends, I'm jealous! I go to Etsy almost every other day and I LOVE so many things on the site. I would like to buy them and support handmade art, but I'm lacking in funds right now. I also can't stand the thought of buying something that I could make if I just took the time to learn how. One thing I really really enjoy is taking pictures. I take pictures ALL the time. Of everything. Mostly of my children. I have thousands of photos on my computer of my kids sleeping, eating, playing, posing, walking, covered in food, and just being "kids." I really drive my fiance crazy because I'm always stopping to take pictures of him and the kids. But it's something I love to do. Even though I rarely get a picture that's frame-worthy, I continue to keep taking pics...thank God for that handy delete button. Since facebook has entered my life, I realize that there are a LOT of photographers out there. I can spend hours looking at different websites, blogs, and photo albums of these highly talented, fun, outgoing photographers. I would LOVE to do something like that! I would love to travel the world, take pictures of beautiful people, places, and things. I would have to say, that would be the MOST amazing job ever!

All of my web surfing and deep thinking, got me...well, thinking. I always say, live without regrets! Well that's a lie. I don't live without regrets. There are a lot of things I regret. A few things that I have done, but mostly things that I have never done. I never took the time to get to know myself. I'm rounding the bend to 30, I feel that I'm just now starting to figure out who "I" am. I'm just starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I've accepted who I am, flaws and all, and I realize that there are so many things that I wish I had known about myself a few years back. I regret not taking the time to work on me. I was so busy trying to fall in love, so busy trying to make other people like me, that I didn't learn to like myself. I fell into a pit of self loathing and negative coping. I look back now, I miss the wild, carefree girl that I was, but I'm glad that I have grown up. I regret not taking the time to find out what my passion was. I've always felt like everyone has a talent, or a hobby, something that they are really good at. I never felt that I was one of those people. I can't for one second tell you what my talent is. I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. I regret not traveling. I would love to travel to exotic, beautiful places. No not LA or Miami. I would love to travel to Costa Rica, Egypt, Africa, places of true beauty. Where every flower holds more beauty in it's colorful leaves than I can even fathom. I regret not putting more time into solid, life long friendships. I have a few close friends, I cherish them deeply. But back in the day, I spent more time partying with fair weather friends, and I probably pushed away a lot of people that would have been great friends. I regret not taking care of my body, mind, and spirit the way I should have. I have done some pretty bad things to my self as far as putting garbage into my body. I never took the time to care about that. I wish that I had taken more time to deepen my spirituality and understanding of God. I have gone through stages in my life where spirituality is very important to me, I want to keep it centered. If I could go back to the 15 year old me, I would have a long talk with myself. I would tell myself that it REALLY doesn't matter what everyone else thinks of you but it does matter what you think of yourself. You will always be your own worst enemy. Don't do things to make other people happy. Find what it is that makes YOU happy and do it. Don't be afraid to say NO and back it up. Never push someone away because other people have an opinion of who they are or what they are not, you will miss out on some really great people if you do. Take the time to nurture your passion. If it's in art, theater, music, writing, photography, or whatever it may be, develop it and know what you want to do in life before you're 30.

If you would have asked me ten years ago, where will you be in 10 years. I would have thought I'd have my degree, be married, living in a gorgeous house with all of my friends around me, and living my dream.....none of those things have happened. I have three great kids who are my heart and soul, a great fiance who was my first true love, and we are making it. I'm still in school working to become a nurse, but truthfully, that's not my passion. I feel that I am meant to help people, I want to do big things. I want to help people make their lives better. I want to feel completely satisfied with where my life is. That is the definition of success. If you can look at what you're doing from day to day, and be truly happy, then you have found your success. I have one part of that accomplished. My family gives me great joy, everyday. But there is a part of me still inside, that wants to do all of the things I've regretted for so long. I want to make time for myself, so that when I'm 80, I don't look back and still have regrets. I'm still young enough to make my life what I want it to be. I want to feel fully satisfied with my place in the world. I know I still have a lot to learn. I will never stop growing or changing. If I do, then I guess it's time to give up. I have three kids that look to me for knowledge, to help them grow. I hope I can instill in them, the drive to find out who they are. The will to accomplish their dreams, the strength to be themselves in a world full of followers, and the love of a passion. I will always encourage them to create and try new things. Afterall, I don't want them living with regrets. What do you regret?